A”I” Christmas

Squiggles

Like every other imaginable job, we decided to let ChatGPT write a humorous post to accompany today’s comic. Look out Woodsy Allen.

A Cruelty-Free Christmas: Ho-Ho-Hoping for a Kinder Celebration!

Hello, festive friends and Yuletide yuppies! It’s that time of year again, when our hearts are as full as our shopping carts, and our spirits are as high as our calorie intake. But this year, I’ve decided to add a little twist to my Christmas cheer – I’m going cruelty-free! That’s right, a Christmas that’s as kind to animals as it is to my waistline (well, sort of).

Step 1: The Tree – Going Faux for Fauna!

First things first, let’s talk Christmas trees. While I love the smell of a fresh pine, this year I’ve decided to go faux. Why? Well, aside from the fact that my cat won’t stop climbing a real tree, I’ve heard that plastic trees are the new green – environmentally and color-wise. Plus, it’s a great workout trying to assemble it. Who knew that ‘branch fluffing’ could be an Olympic sport?

Step 2: Gifts – Say No to Leather, Yes to Laughter

Moving on to gifts! This year, I’m ditching the leather and going for laughter. Instead of wallets and belts, I’m giving out joke books and funny movie collections. It’s a great way to ensure that my gifts won’t end up collecting dust or, worse, re-gifted. (I’m looking at you, Aunt Martha!)

Step 3: Food – A Feast Without the Beast

Now, the main event: Christmas dinner. This year, my turkey is named Tofurky, and he’s made of soy. I know, I know, it sounds about as appealing as socks for Christmas, but trust me, with the right amount of seasoning, anything can taste good. Plus, I’ve got a secret weapon – gravy! It’s the culinary equivalent of a Christmas miracle.

Step 4: Decor – Shimmer Without the Shudder

For decorations, I’m keeping it cruelty-free and classy. No real fur on my faux fur tree, thank you very much. Instead, I’m opting for handmade ornaments and LED lights that twinkle like my vegan cousin’s eyes when she talks about composting.

Step 5: Attire – Ugly Sweaters Sans Sheep

Finally, the Christmas attire. This year, I’ve found the most marvelous acrylic ugly Christmas sweater. It’s so bright and tacky, I’m pretty sure it can be seen from space. And the best part? No sheep were inconvenienced in the making of this fashion masterpiece.

So there you have it, folks! A cruelty-free Christmas is not only possible, but it’s also hilariously fun. Who knew saving the planet could be such a jolly affair? Here’s to a holiday season filled with kindness, laughter, and maybe just a little bit of Tofurky. Merry Cruelty-Free Christmas to all, and to all a good bite! 🎄🐑🥕

MCCGA (CC is for Cunty Christmas)

Rest in Pieces

This holiday season if you’re out getting stocking stuffers, make sure to pick up that special something that really could use some stuffing. Mike Lindell’s MyRectum. 50% off with proof you attended the Jan 6 rally.

Cash For Clunkers

Rodger

Rodger Wilco 

Our favorite butt boys are back with some more trenchant current commentary.  That sounds like the tagline for the movie “Rodgering Me.”

In a world where the government owns everything, only a ragtag crazy pair of sodomists can prevail.
Come along for the crazy ride as they take the most dangerous chance of all…
they cum in each others’ ass.

“Rodgering Me”, opening wide on Christmas Day, 2009.