If “It’s not football unless you have a massive load,” then the Browns (LOL!) are the best team in the NFL. Now we have to go hire an attorney since we’ll be sued by Roger Goodell. He has to “protect the shield” after all and they need the money to figure out how to allow Joe Mixon in the league.
The Surgeon General has clearly stated that vaginal smoking is harmful. It’s printed right on the every single pack of cigarettes. Were Lydia a bit younger she’d probably be vaginally vaping like all the cool kids.
“America” has “chosen.”
After a short campaign with all the usual boring, normal ideas, it’s time for America to take the plunge and vote for either one of our lovable choices. Those wags who say your vote doesn’t matter (ahem) are correct. When both of the candidates are as great and lovable as those we have, it’s like choosing between a soothing, warm bath and a refreshing aperitif with friends. Will America grab Pussy or Cock?
Taking our time machine back 6 years we find that butthole replacement was a lovely fairy tale for the future. Now in 2016, artificial buttholes are plentiful and easy to obtain. Just yesterday, I had to have my second one replaced due to a little “leakage” but the in-patient procedure was quick, painless and fully covered! Thanks Obama! We’ll miss you and your care.
Look at the camel toe on that dude! Oops, was that not PC? How about any of the following:
- Wookie Wallet
- Bikini Bizkit
- Pants Pita
- Bison Bite
- Slot Pocket
- Sushi Slot
- Piss Fenders
- Khloe Kurtains
Trump is naturally the candidate that appeals most to the Pee Partiers.
According to the Mayo Clinic, here are the top causes of hernias:
- Being anally raped by a Triceritops
- Eating a salad
- Carrying around all that shit from childhood
- Rocking out to Spandau Ballet
- Squeezing out one miserable turd nugget a day
- Aggressive Doctor checking for a hernia
- Shaving with Occam’s Razor
What’s worse that ants in your pants?
- Warts in your shorts
- Rocks in your socks
- Bats in your hats
- Cum in your gum
- Crabs on your scabs
- Cuts on your nuts
- Shits on your tits
- Deer in your ear
- Plectrum in your rectum
- Reddit on your computer