Whizzit

For the first time ever, I’m confused by Whizzit and have several questions.

• Is he planning on performing cunnilingus on his girlfriend at a red light or, as is normally customary, have her blow him?
• How long are traffic lights in Whizzitland?
• Do ambulances in Whizzitville let whores do ride-a-longs so they never have to stop?
• Isn’t Trinidad, CO, the trans-gender capital of the U.S.?  What does this imply?

Whizzit

Get well soon, Dick Cheney.  We hope you’ll be up and waterboarding strippers again soon.

Whizzit

Fortunately for the Whizzit protagonist, he happened upon John Phillips’ grave.  I can only assume he’ll be on Oprah next week to discuss it. 

Whizzit

I call bullshit on Whizzit.  What, you say?  How is that possible?  Look at the clues. 

• Salida means exit in Spanish.
• Prostate exams were not common in the 50′s. 
• The butt plug is missing from Mr. Whizzit’s ass.
• Sad, lonely tear. 
• Mr. Whizzit would need more than a knife to get a date.

Whizzit

Once again, Whizzit was clearly written in the 50′s.  The good old days when Football players merely beat their children instead of ignoring them.  However, it’s difficult to pay attention to your kids when you can’t even keep track of them or their mothers.  Here’s the current league leaders:

Whizzit

Is that a little Pale Fire going on in Humbert’s pants?

Whizzit

Whizzit clearly takes place in the 50′s so you’d think Fred and Polyethylene here would do what any parents would do in the 50′s.  Give the baby a little whiskey, dress him in a coonskin cap and poodle skirt.  Then they’d probably head over to the car hop and stuff themselves in a phone booth with fifteen greasers and then head home to have deviant sex.  Probably in the newly discovered missionary position.

Squiggles

Hot on the tail of Whizzit, Squiggles mounts the “sexy” subject of Erectile Dysfunction.  Who would want to be undead after seeing this timely PSA from our friends at Squiggles?  Because how fun would it be if you couldn’t stick your boner in a few super-dry zombies?

Whizzit

The odd thing is that this doesn’t happen if you take Viagra.  Watch out if you’re on Levitra, however.

Whizzit

Another favorite comic named Whizzit never fails to amuse.  By the looks of the hat and undershirt we’re still in 1953.  Of course this fits in perfectly with a comic universe made up of Beetle Bailey₁, Hi and Lois₂, Blondie₃, Archie₄, Dennis the Menace₅, Grin and Bear It₆, Family Circus₇.  Shall we continue?  Ok, Broom Hilda₈, Marmaduke_9,Barney Google₁₀

1) Beetle Bailey was my favorite Beatle.  Much better drummer than Ringo

2) There’s actually a book of the “Best” of Hi and Lois.  I dare you to buy it.  Or read it cover to cover.

3) Hitler’s Dog.

4) Hitler’s God.

5) ibid

6) op cit

7) Who fucked barfy up the butt? Not Me!

8 ) This is not in Jest, what kind of Broom did Hilda Ride?a

9) Marmapuke.

10) At least he had a technically modern name.  What’s it called when Barney Googles himself?

a) A Broom of the System.