Squiggles
The original MTS is shown at 5:30 am on MeTV, so you must be woke to see it. In the reboot, Steve Douglas is played by Willem Dafoe, an aging star deigning to do TV for a huge paycheck. In the reboot, Steve is a serial killer who disappears:
- His first wife
- His live in father-in-law, Bub, who is the only mother figure his trio of trixic sons have ever known
- His oldest son, Mike and first daughter-in-law Sally
- The parents of his adopted replacement for Mike
- Second (then first) son Robbie
- Tramp the dog. Controversially eaten in a classic “mix-up” episode when family thinks they’re trying a new delicacy cooked by the horrible Korean stereotype character that moves in next door.
So basically the reboot is exactly like the original.
Squiggles
I could have sworn that Scott Baio was the Karate Kid. Imagine my surprise to find out it was C. Thomas Howell who played Daniel. Did you know that Miyagi never said “Wax on, Wax off?” Did you know that Gwen Stefani is older now than Pat Morita was when he played Miyagi? Rest In Power Wisdom Tooth!!!
Well aware that it was Ralph Macchio! Stay tuned to this blog for more Karate Kid trivia!
Squiggles
Let us think about what was in the zeitgeist nine years ago. Remember when “Medusa Hair” threatened the fabric of our democracy itself? I spent gobs of money on small rodents just to keep my new-fangled do happy. Still, in the softening patina of time, I supposed it was a better style than “The Rachel” or “The Kate Gosselin!”
Squiggles
Here are some other “ironic” coincidences that Alanis missed out on that would have made for a fabulous song sung in rounds.
- Hans Asperger died of Alzheimer’s disease.
- Alois Alzheimer frequently shouted that he had Tourette’s syndrome ya fuckin’ scabby witch.
- George de las Tourette’s lymph nodes were prudish and came down with Hodgkin’s lymphoma (not the good kind).
- Thomas Hodgkin was a colleague of Thomas Addison and caught Addison’s disease from him.
- Thomas Addison had a shaky grasp of reality after coming down with Parkinson’s disease.
- James Parkinson got a shitty deal after coming down with Crohn’s disease.
- Burrill Crohn was Jewish. In a fantastic twist of fate, he did not have Tay-Sachs disease, but instead went full-spectrum with Asperger’s.
- Rinse and repeat.
Squiggles
As is the case in modern US history a breakfast cereal leads the discussion on race relations. However, Georgia and Florida are already concocting laws to prevent anyone named Snap, Crackle or Pop from voting.
Squiggles
‘Tis the season to break out all your beloved clichés.
May the holiday season fill your home with joy, your heart with love, your life with laughter, and your Oxford commas with subordinate phrases.
If you are able, make sure to spend some special time with your Father and his new WHORE.
Squiggles
Aquaman only has wants for Wonder Woman. Wait, Wonder Woman wails on women? Well, what’s worse? By looking at A-man’s outfit, he is lacking male paraphernalia.
Squiggles
Only one Republican has come close to matching tRUmp’s record on race relations. And now his ghost is starring a new Gay-com. H. Rap Brown Lives matter!
Squiggles
Orgies have not been banned during the Covid outbreak because, thankfully, it is not sexually transmitted. So stock up on bisexuals and Corona beer and hit your favorite sex-club. Just make sure to lube up with a ton of sanitizer and only use full body condoms for awesome sexy-times.
Squiggles
They also had sex a baker’s dozen times that morning! He liked to synergism on her tits, butt that’s somewhat of an “inside” joke.
