Comics and Criticism
When the history of the 2020’s is written, two names will tower above them all. Hawk Tuah and Mr. Beast. For our always online, always trading society, here’s a quick link to keep track of your millions invested in the Hawk Tuah coin. Congrats to all of you finance bros who jump on every bandwagon to riches.
John Lewis Hart did not care for the new calendar nomenclature. Not because he was a raging Christian (see The Wizard of Id for examples) but because it meant he had to remake all the voluminous marketing material and super popular B.C. T-Shirts. Time to put the Christ back into Before Common Era lingo! The King of Kings is a Fink!
Now that congress has finally voted to release the files, we can finally reveal Li’l Fuckers. Epstein, Trump, P Diddy and Clinton’s favorite comic strip. As a reflection on their own lives, it seems they love(d) their comics stuffed full of humor, gentle parenting tips, cute funny pets and children fucking.
Now we know for a fact that Dinosaur is a Scare-dactl! Or maybe a Tyrannosaurus Hex?
Isn’t it ironic that Dinosaur is getting gas rather than giving us gas like all other dinosaurs? Sorta like rain on your wedding day or spoons/knives — all that shit.
Obviously, no court in the land (today) would prosecute George Bassett for his hate crime. In fact, George is short listed to be the new Federal Reserve Chairman.
For background on this post, I looked up the top five songs that Millennials have requested to be played at their funeral as their casket is lowered into the ground and here are the top 5 (according to Kerrang!)
I think this not quite correct. If advertising has taught us anything (and it hasn’t), it’s that all Butt Pluggers are on a GLP-1. And they like to sing and/or dance while extoling the benefits. To find out, I wrote a simple regular expression “(?i)(Sema|Lira|Exena|Dula|Lixise)(?=\s*tide)” and then did a thorough web-scrape to find out.
It’s all very tiring and now I know too much about Ozempic, Rybelsus, Wegovy, Trulicity, Victoza, Saxenda, Byetta, Bydureon BCise, Mounjaro and Zepbound.
In my day we lost weight the normal way. By smoking crack like a normal.
Nirvana, The Beatles, Metallica and Sigur Rós showed the way. Fringe to Mainstream is the new Orange is the New Black. Thanks to the lack of strong institutions, Alt Right Punk is the new mainstream punk. Sure wish someone could Ctrl-Alt-Right Delete. But really, who cares really since we’re all swiftly headed to a blue screen of death.
Today I learned that Keira Knightley was a coconut. I also learned that the amount of milk in breasts is measured in quan-titties and that small chested hookers charge a flat rate.
Choose your own adventure!
In these [trying/great times] of [insane/brilliant] tariffs and [reversing/advancing] cultural mores, both sides can agree that all [persons/women] commentators of the [whatever pronoun they choose/female] [gender/birth sex] [choose/need] to be [informed/hot and stupid]. While there’s still [freedom/liberal nonsense] in [Amerikkka/America!] we need to [come/cum] together to [save/rid the country of] [the less fortunate/vermin].
