Bloomsday Specials

Squiggles

Reeferrun, past Heave and Atom’s, from swerve of sinsemilla to bend of blunt, brings us by a commodious vicus of resinulation back to Howth Kush and Environs.

The great googling wheel of it! Whorled without aimed, stoned without blamed, the heaventree of smokes hung with humid Mary-blue fruit above the chapelized heads of all sleeping Earwickers and their ilk, their elk, their every holy smoldering olk. Puff was in the beginning. Is puff. Shall puff be.

Rollit up rollit up rollit up and the cycle wheeled on.

O tell me all about Hanna Hashley! She was just a girlish thumbwidth of leafgreen in a boyish Liffey world, going whorled without aimed down the quays of Chapelizod, her herbal hem a-trailing in the evening Liffey mist, her pocketses full of what the four old annalists called (variously): the chronic, the kind, the merryanne, the consolatrix afflictorum. Blessed is she among women and blessed is the fruit of her Mary, Joycannabis.

Toke. Toke. Toke again. As it was in the beguiling is now and ever shall be, whorled without aimed.

For this is the nature of the great smokular cycle, as diagnosed by the Professor of Oneiric Herbology at the Collideorscope of Allnight Dublin: that the toke precedeth the thought, and the thought dissolveth into the toke, and the smoke goeth up, and the smoke returneth, and there is no new smoke under the sun but only the old smoke whorling, endlessly whorling, whorled without aimed, through the nostrils of all the sleeping Finnagains from Donnybrook to Drumcondra, from Cabra to the Kush, from here to Tim.

Herehear! Herehere!

And lo did Bloom — our Bloomster, our Bloomio, our everbloom and neverwilt — stand on the strand of the Sandymount Stoned and look upon the ineluctable modality of the highvisible: the greengold shimmer of it, the purpleblue of it, the yes of it. The snotgreen sea was now the THCgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea had become, in his altered apprehension, the scrotum-enlightening sea. O yes. O. Yes.

He rollit one for Molly. She said yes. She said:

Yes I will yes I said yes take a pull yes and his eyes were full yes of that soft misting yes and I thought yes as well him as another yes and I put my arms around yes and drew him down to me yes so he could feel yes my mountains of yes yes.

Toke by toke. Age by age. The lifteyrun of smoke from old Finn’s pipe to young Bloom’s lip, whorled without aimed, high without why, the great googling reefer of it all going round and round the drain of Tim and time, never stopping, never starting, just: going.

Sinsemillasemper. Semper chronic. Chronic semper.

And here, at last, in the gloaming of the long Bloomsday, when the four old annalists have laid down their roaches and the city sleeps its greensmoke sleep — here is the end that is no end, the final toke that circles back to the first, the amen that was always only: aimed.

A way. A haze. A last. A long the.

Wait…are those brownies.

 

Derby Dog Dayz

George Bassett

Like all antisemite dogs, George hates the Kentucky Derby because all the horses are circumcised. But this year he’s positively Gaza over his favorite horse, Great White, who is in the running.

They really do love their horses in Kentucky and since they can’t own people anymore, they might as well own something else with a big cock.

You know what yesterday was? George knows.

Happy Birthday Sinéad

Encyclopedia Difficult Brown

In honor of Shuhada’ Sadaqat’s birthday, we present her favorite comic strip. Encyclopedia Difficult Brown. In Technicolor. Before getting angry about her tearing up the pope’s photograph, remember that she was right. We owe her a big apology. Same with Monica Lewinsky, Richard Jewell, Hurricane Carter, Anita Hill, Canada, Oxford Commas, and Alfred Dreyfus.

(In|E)ternal Love

Cock ‘N’ Balls

When the history of the 2020’s is written, two names will tower above them all. Hawk Tuah and Mr. Beast. For our always online, always trading society, here’s a quick link to keep track of your millions invested in the Hawk Tuah coin. Congrats to all of you finance bros who jump on every bandwagon to riches.

Merry Before-Christ-Mass

Squiggles

John Lewis Hart did not care for the new calendar nomenclature. Not because he was a raging Christian (see The Wizard of Id for examples) but because it meant he had to remake all the voluminous marketing material and super popular B.C. T-Shirts. Time to put the Christ back into Before Common Era lingo! The King of Kings is a Fink!

Epstein’s Peanut

Li’l Fuckers

Now that congress has finally voted to release the files, we can finally reveal Li’l Fuckers. Epstein, Trump, P Diddy and Clinton’s favorite comic strip. As a reflection on their own lives, it seems they love(d) their comics stuffed full of humor, gentle parenting tips, cute funny pets and children fucking.

Happy Halloween Ya Sick Freaks

Dinosaur Doctor

Now we know for a fact that Dinosaur is a Scare-dactl! Or maybe a Tyrannosaurus Hex?
Isn’t it ironic that Dinosaur is getting gas rather than giving us gas like all other dinosaurs? Sorta like rain on your wedding day or spoons/knives — all that shit.

Let Freedom Kerrang

George Bassett

Obviously, no court in the land (today) would prosecute George Bassett for his hate crime. In fact, George is short listed to be the new Federal Reserve Chairman.

For background on this post, I looked up the top five songs that Millennials have requested to be played at their funeral as their casket is lowered into the ground and here are the top 5 (according to Kerrang!)

  1. 1-877-Kars 4 Kids
  2. 1-877-Kars 4 Kids (rock version)
  3. Another One Bites the Dust
  4. Stayin’ Alive
  5. Together Forever