Normal Goer

Mom was also a vegan. So she was biodegradable and when she got diarrhea we’d use her as a salad shooter.

She also made some mean bread. You could say she was a gluten for punishment, which is a pretty crumby thing to say.

A”I” Christmas

Like every other imaginable job, we decided to let ChatGPT write a humorous post to accompany today’s comic. Look out Woodsy Allen.

A Cruelty-Free Christmas: Ho-Ho-Hoping for a Kinder Celebration!

Hello, festive friends and Yuletide yuppies! It’s that time of year again, when our hearts are as full as our shopping carts, and our spirits are as high as our calorie intake. But this year, I’ve decided to add a little twist to my Christmas cheer – I’m going cruelty-free! That’s right, a Christmas that’s as kind to animals as it is to my waistline (well, sort of).

Step 1: The Tree – Going Faux for Fauna!

First things first, let’s talk Christmas trees. While I love the smell of a fresh pine, this year I’ve decided to go faux. Why? Well, aside from the fact that my cat won’t stop climbing a real tree, I’ve heard that plastic trees are the new green – environmentally and color-wise. Plus, it’s a great workout trying to assemble it. Who knew that ‘branch fluffing’ could be an Olympic sport?

Step 2: Gifts – Say No to Leather, Yes to Laughter

Moving on to gifts! This year, I’m ditching the leather and going for laughter. Instead of wallets and belts, I’m giving out joke books and funny movie collections. It’s a great way to ensure that my gifts won’t end up collecting dust or, worse, re-gifted. (I’m looking at you, Aunt Martha!)

Step 3: Food – A Feast Without the Beast

Now, the main event: Christmas dinner. This year, my turkey is named Tofurky, and he’s made of soy. I know, I know, it sounds about as appealing as socks for Christmas, but trust me, with the right amount of seasoning, anything can taste good. Plus, I’ve got a secret weapon – gravy! It’s the culinary equivalent of a Christmas miracle.

Step 4: Decor – Shimmer Without the Shudder

For decorations, I’m keeping it cruelty-free and classy. No real fur on my faux fur tree, thank you very much. Instead, I’m opting for handmade ornaments and LED lights that twinkle like my vegan cousin’s eyes when she talks about composting.

Step 5: Attire – Ugly Sweaters Sans Sheep

Finally, the Christmas attire. This year, I’ve found the most marvelous acrylic ugly Christmas sweater. It’s so bright and tacky, I’m pretty sure it can be seen from space. And the best part? No sheep were inconvenienced in the making of this fashion masterpiece.

So there you have it, folks! A cruelty-free Christmas is not only possible, but it’s also hilariously fun. Who knew saving the planet could be such a jolly affair? Here’s to a holiday season filled with kindness, laughter, and maybe just a little bit of Tofurky. Merry Cruelty-Free Christmas to all, and to all a good bite! 🎄🐑🥕

Ask for the Reubens Sandwich

RIP Pee Wee. Did you know that Pee Wee’s favorite baseball teams were the Yankees and Expos? He lived in a simpler time when getting off in a theater wasn’t captured on skynet. He was America’s greatest actor since John Wilkes Booth. And they both shot someone in the back of the head in a theater.

Dry Wednesdays

It’s class reunion time. So we present you with the 10th class reunion of this Squiggles strip.

In the Camel Sutra Bactrian camels always hump twice, while the sad Dromedary camels only get to hump once. Sadly Humphrey the camel doesn’t get to hump at all.

Cancel Culture Club

Looks like Mornoglyphix Cruncheries, Inc is joining Target, Budweiser and MyPillow.com in Wakeboarding.

Sir Tristram, violer d’amores, fr’over the short sea, had passen-core rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war. And now, he brings to you the finest flakes to tantalize your taste buds!

With Finnegans Woke-O’s, experience a cascade of flavors that will transport you to the shores of Howth Castle and beyond. No longer will you be confined to mundane breakfast choices. Finnegans Woke-O’s will awaken your senses and ignite your imagination with their wee flavory fraiseberry piquancy.

What clashes here of wills gen wonts, oystrygods gaggin fishygods! Brekkek Kekkek Kekkek Kekkek! Koax Koax Koax! Ualu Ualu Ualu! Quaouauh! Our flakes are a symphony of flavors that dance upon your palate, leaving you craving for more. From the crunch of the oats to the subtle hints of honey and spices, each bite is an adventure in itself.

WWJW

Underoopauls have now been banned in 14 states! There’s probably no better way to make young kids want to get into the drag lifestyle than this. You know who else wore drag and told dirty stories to young kids?

New Year’s Resolution – No Long Pigs

With the new year come all the tedious resolutions. This year, I resolve to smoke more weed and eat less…human. Doing well so far, but we’ll see what February brings as that is when I normally get hungrier. Or maybe that’s the bhang? In either case, I guess I should just Packer it in already.

His first wife
His live in father-in-law, Bub, who is the only mother figure his trio of trixic sons have ever known
His oldest son, Mike and first daughter-in-law Sally
The parents of his adopted replacement for Mike
Second (then first) son Robbie
Tramp the dog. Controversially eaten in a classic “mix-up” episode when family thinks they’re trying a new delicacy cooked by the horrible Korean stereotype character that moves in next door.

So basically the reboot is exactly like the original.

Tag: Squiggles