Happy Turkey Day!

Whizzit

This may be the last year you can enjoy your turducken stuffed with twinkies.  No, not because of the Hostess™ bankruptcy, but because the world is ending on December 21, 2012.  Some ancient, mystical, savage, unscientific people (republicans?) thought so, so it must be true.  Didn’t anyone see that terrible movie about it?  I think it was called The Hangover 2 .

Blown Opportunity

Whizzit

For the first time ever, I’m confused by Whizzit and have several questions.

  • Is he planning on performing cunnilingus on his girlfriend at a red light or, as is normally customary, have her blow him?
  • How long are traffic lights in Whizzitland?
  • Do ambulances in Whizzitville let whores do ride-a-longs so they never have to stop?
  • Isn’t Trinidad, CO, the trans-gender capital of the U.S.?  What does this imply?

Up The Ass Without a Paddle

Whizzit

WhizzitDoc

I call bullshit on Whizzit.  What, you say?  How is that possible?  Look at the clues. 

  • Salida means exit in Spanish.
  • Prostate exams were not common in the 50’s. 
  • The butt plug is missing from Mr. Whizzit’s ass.
  • Sad, lonely tear. 
  • Mr. Whizzit would need more than a knife to get a date.

Harry Chapin vs. Calvin Murphy

Whizzit

WhizzitFootball 

Once again, Whizzit was clearly written in the 50’s.  The good old days when Football players merely beat their children instead of ignoring them.  However, it’s difficult to pay attention to your kids when you can’t even keep track of them or their mothers.  Here’s the current league leaders:

 

Athlete # of Children # of Baby Mamas
Calvin Murphy 14 9
Travis Henry 9 9
Evander Holyfield 11 ???
Shawn Kemp 7 6
Derrick Thomas 7 5
Scott Skiles 6 4