Our eternal friend is back. As self reflective as a vampire can be. We all breathlessly await part III wherein Lorcan and Rian fight to the death over who gets to deposit fiat currency at the sperm bank.
Extreme Loquacity
Seems like Chantix™ is coming for all the greats. It took four years to get Ray Liotta. So Stephen King still has time to pump out about 75 additional books before it gets him. Plus, he’ll have more time now that he’s off the cock-pipe.
Tough Times for Tiny Titties
Baby Louie’s Mom is a monster for not breast feeding (even though she’s a man) with the tragic shortage of baby formula going around. Luckily for Louie, palm oil comes from palms and coconut oil comes from coconuts. He’s probably not interested in being slathered in baby oil, or drinking baby formula anyway.
Get Woke (in time to watch the next episode)
The original MTS is shown at 5:30 am on MeTV, so you must be woke to see it. In the reboot, Steve Douglas is played by Willem Dafoe, an aging star deigning to do TV for a huge paycheck. In the reboot, Steve is a serial killer who disappears:
- His first wife
- His live in father-in-law, Bub, who is the only mother figure his trio of trixic sons have ever known
- His oldest son, Mike and first daughter-in-law Sally
- The parents of his adopted replacement for Mike
- Second (then first) son Robbie
- Tramp the dog. Controversially eaten in a classic “mix-up” episode when family thinks they’re trying a new delicacy cooked by the horrible Korean stereotype character that moves in next door.
So basically the reboot is exactly like the original.
Making Ends Meet
Deep Doo Doo (if that is your real name) may not realize that President Joe (Manchin) is far up the butt of Big TP. Most Republiqanons opposed the infrastructure bill because if they take the lead out of the water, no one would ever vote for them again.
Mandela Effect
I could have sworn that Scott Baio was the Karate Kid. Imagine my surprise to find out it was C. Thomas Howell who played Daniel. Did you know that Miyagi never said “Wax on, Wax off?” Did you know that Gwen Stefani is older now than Pat Morita was when he played Miyagi? Rest In Power Wisdom Tooth!!!
Well aware that it was Ralph Macchio! Stay tuned to this blog for more Karate Kid trivia!
Political Reach Around
Calling all libtards and MAGATS! Grab your fave hat of any color you like (unless you’re in Alabama or Texass) and give your favorite gender unspecified friend (in California or Vermont) a hand. Or a mouth. WWJOMD‽ (What would jesus or marduk do?)
Happy Whatever Will Offend You
Thanksgiving Goose
A little know fact about the first Thanksgiving was that the pilgrims were so puritanical that they served non-binary goose instead of turkey. They thought that turkey cloaca was too tritylating. They also infused their corn salad with cadaverine and putrescine.
Banana Republic
Hans still might not win the election for island mayor because he has to overcome a voting bloc of seagulls. The seagulls are Chinese so they’ve employed heavy gerrymandarin. With such high voter turnout, though, proposition 24 might pass.